Sometimes all it takes is an 'i'm sorry.....'

So tell me why I've been looking at ol' girl's myspace trying to find out what's happening with them. Bitch says one day that she's over the douchebag, and then the next day spouts out the L-word. And now she's 'over him.' Lol.

I guess he wasn't being truthful about being 'friends.' What else is knew anyways? I told myself I wouldn't have any contact with him, but a few days ago I sent him a "hi friend" text. Still no response. Oh well, maybe that is all I needed to just let him go. I deleted anything/everything I had of him....out of sight, out of mind.

This week was Spring Break. Went up with my momma to visit my brother in Tucson. It was nice, but i'm glad to be home. I went up for a day to Scottsdale to visit one of my besties. Her boyfriend is in the minor leagues (part of the SF Giants organization) so he was in AZ for Spring Training. OMG there were HELLA cute ass dudes up there. Lord knows i'm not a fan of baseball, but I could be a fan with those fine looking men. Of course, the ones that I was attracted to the most were the Dominicans, figures! lol. My bestie was saying it was cause it's the 'best of both worlds.' IDK about all of that, but I wouldn't mind ummmm.....brushing up my Spanish with a few of them!! hahahahaa

Other than that, nothing too exciting has happened. I did do something that is completely out of the norm for myself....I apologized to someone. lol. See back in middle school and high school, I treated this girl horribly. The treatment was mutual, but to be fair, I was the one who started it. We were friends until I squashed all of that and did something really stupid in 6th grade. So tonight I apologized for all of it. It was something I had been thinking about for a few days, which isn't like me----I always tried to justify that I was 'in the right' with all the stuff I did and said to/about her. All I figure is that it was God's hand laying this guilt on my heart. So I let her know. What she does with it is all on her now.

I feel really good about it though. Maybe it's cause i'm uber sensitive, but I've always wanted people to apologize to me for the crappy things they've done to me. I guess I need to start with myself and my past actions first.

Other than that, i'm just chillin. I'm not trying to worry about work, love, anything. I'm putting it in God's hands. I heard today at church about 'God's will' being done, and how you gotta stop asking him "Lord please let [such and such] be in your will for me" and instead say "Lord whatever you have for me, I trust in you." So i'm trying to have that mentality. I can't do it on my own, so why not leave it in MUCH MUCH more capable hands?

Peace and Love my amigos.

I'm not committed....

So turns out this dude had other chicks. It all unfolded rather quickly and all on myspace!!! lol.

I left a comment on his status, and the next time I looked it was gone. I figured he deleted it so I started wondering why. I saw a comment from a girl who calls him "daddy" so I checked her page and VIOLA! pictures of them kissing and him calling her his "baby."

I finally confronted him last night/this morning after leaving not so subtle hints all over myspace. lol.

So feast your eyes on these texts....all happening this morning.

Me: FYI in case you couldn't decipher my myspace status message, I know about your girl. Why you felt you couldn't tell me or just be honest is beyond me, but whatever. Its cool.
Him: who r u talking about wow ok whatever
Me: your "baby with the softest lips"
Him: Who just say the name cause I don't know who your talking about
Me: Her name is J**** J**** (i'm omitting her name) at least that is what it says on her myspace
Him: Yeah I mean I know her and I like her but we arent talking I am not serious with anybody but if you don't feel comfortable around me then it is what it is
Him: I wasn't trying to be aggressive with you cause I know what you looking for so yeah I respected you and backed off a lil so its on you we can be friends
Him: but yeah I know her and I like her too ok
Me: So what I was looking for then? Cause backing off was definitely not it
Me: But I mean if you like her and already calling her "baby" then have fun. Its your life
Him: I wanted to back off cause I didn't want to get to involved I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way ok but that wasn't what I wanted to do you a good woman
Me: Oh well, being hurt is natural when you really like someone. And I guess we were on diff wavelengths because I wanted us to become more involved. If I had known that was what you wanted, I would have backed off too.
Him: I wanted to get to know you more so I could decide what I wanted but I really committed to no one.
Me: Well you had the chance to get to know me.
Him: I guess that chance is gone now.

So let me try and get this straight, he didn't want to get too involved but yet this was the guy who on the FIRST date said "even though i'm leaving in Nov, if I find that woman I wanna be with, i'm gonna make it happen. Deployment plans can change. Like i'd be able to take you with me if it was to happen." But now he doesn't want to get too involved.

Yeah and he's not committed to anyone, but don't you have to have some level of commitment to start calling someone "my baby?" I mean I don't go around calling any and every guy "baby." And I KNOW this dude had the kissing picture I saw as his wallpaper for his cell phone. When I was at his house on Tuesday, he was looking at his phone and when he was putting it down I commented to myself "wow that wallpaper looks like 2 people kissing." If only I had trusted my instinct.

What's crazy is i'm feeling really bad. I keep trying to rationalize his thinking and all i keep thinking is to give it another chance. How crazy is that? I'm fighting myself to just say "ok i'll give you another chance." UGH. I don't need someone like him in my life. Especially when I try to think back to our conversations and trying to remember what I said I wanted. All I remember is that we both agreed on what we were looking for in relationships. The only difference is that I wouldn't be having sex unless I really cared for that person. Maybe that is what he meant....I wouldn't have sex, so he went looking for someone who would.

So much for his injury. The pictures and comments were dated 2 DAYS after he had his injury. So the time he told he was too dizzy and too "out of it" to speak to me, was bs. The weekend he ignored my calls and texts was cause he was obviously with her. Grrrrrr men.